Monday, December 29, 2008

Writers Block..."Gift"


A-O. I got pretty much 2 days left in this country and I'm a bit excited seeming that y'know I've been homesick and stuff. I promised a "flygirl", don't worry, you'll get it. haha. There's alot of things to say about the Philippines, but I guess I'll just leave that for later. Stores to check out in the Philippines..."Artwork"(picture above), "Team Manila", "People are People", "Folded and Hung"...dope stuff. Let's get into it...

Being here, I thought I'd have alot to write about, alot of thinking to myself, and some new perspective gained. I learned about the life here in the Philippines just on my first day, and in turn I gained perspective on how I could improve the way I live in Vancouver. I don't think I really write any profound, mind-BLASTING, "no not mind blowing, it's BLASTING"(russell peters) things or whatever but I thought I'd be blogging everyday about random stuff all the time. At times, I sort of force myself to write to get myself out of an actual writers block, and I did some things like read my bible and sit outside, eat, play tetris, things that usually get me thinking. haha. Yeah, eating. Today, I went back to look at my original, first ever weblogs. On xanga! chyea. I looked at the amount and consistency of the entries, and holy smokes, did I ever write alot. At that time, I was on my church hype, young, 15 years old, youth leading and such. Man, those were the days right rangers? The content of what I wrote about was open, and Christ-based. I always try and keep that Christian sense in all my entries, but my xanga stuff was straight bible verses, like I could teach a whole lesson with my blog. haha. I'm not saying that I want to go preach my stuff now, but I found that inspiration to write consistently through the verses of a chapter. My target was different then. I was blogging for myself. 
I want to blog for you. For ya'll, viewing my stuff, taking the time to read my long entries, I write for you. I talk to all of you, and I figure out something to write for you guys, maybe I can encourage you, open minds a little bit. My target is different, but where my aim comes from has to be from the place I orginally found it, and I hope, with this new target and old aim, that I could hit you, that much deeper. 
Thanks to ya'll who read my blog, it doesn't have a cool layout, or fancy bolded italic emphasized writing or anything, or, music that plays right away when you view my page. But figure this a "gift blog". The blog is my card. The gift, is whatever you take out of this.

To reader, 

I hope you like my gift. I didn't know what to get, but I hope it fits you. Happy Reading. 

From, 
Donnel

-God is Love


Thursday, December 25, 2008

Writers Block..."YOUnique"



A-O. Merry Christmas to you all. It's the morning of the 26th over here so Christmas was yesterday. I hope ya'll had a dope Christmas and for those who are wondering, no, there is no boxing day in the Philippines. HA. The only boxing day they have is when there's a Pacqiao fight. Uh, I don't really have much left to do here in the Philippines. So I guess I'll be loungin' around in my city. Waiting for New Years to come 'round. Oh and have a Happy New year. haha. 
After highschool, there's sort of this search on individuality that most people try to acheive. Whether it be, a sneaker, a hobbie, a religion. I don't believe much in 'finding yourself' or 'soul searching' but it's aiite if you do. Noone expects people to know what they want to be and know what they want to do and how they want to get there in life rather than our parents. I expect everyone to know somewhat of who they are. If you have the smallest idea of who you are, there is no need for finding yourself. It's like Tetris, sort of. It's simple. It's timeless. There's no way you need to improve that game, cause really, there's no way to improve that game, rather than improve yourself in that game. That ounce of something that we know of ourselves is like when we start up the game. From then on, its a battle with yourself to top the high scores. You can only get better. The game doesn;t record any of your bad scores, just your high ones. 
You don't need to really go looking for who you are, you sort of just, stumble upon it as you play your lifes tetris. We make mistakes, get low scores, but it's all good, it doesn't matter, and it doesn't get recorded. Take a look at your lifes highscores, and see what makes of you. I got highscores in blogging, haha, and writing, so maybe that tells me a little bit of who I am, and where I should go. You can only build yourself as you play, and you'll know more ofwho you are when the peices keep fitting...game over. Play again? - God Is Love

I miss you guys. Even though Alexis is turned around. 

Yeah I miss SickStylz too. 

Have a good boxing day for all you shoppers, and try to have a good time at work for all you sales associates working tomorrow. 

OH, NEXT BLOG I GOT A NEW FLY GIRL! Latuh - God Is Love

Monday, December 22, 2008

Writers Block..."Everday Season"



I beleive it's my 5th day here, and honestly, I really want to go home. I don't care if it's a blizzard over there, the only reason why I want to come back is because of YOU GUYS! Shoot, I was going to write a friend blog, but I realized there's too many of you guys and I know most of you don't like to read long blogs that's why I try to keep it short these days, but expect a inbox message from me by christmas. 
It's hot like the blog in this mutha. Yeah, I got something to say today...
I'm mutha?uckin homesick. 7am here, is 3pm in Vancity, but the day before. I close all the lights in my room and open up my laptop and I feel like in Vancouver again. I know some of ya'll would say, "Don't be homesick, you're in the Philippines, enjoy your stay cause its fricken cold over here". I think I'm losing my dancing abilities over here cause noone dances apparently and noone likes hiphop. I review Symphony #1 in my room sometimes. haha. 
That's not what I had to say...
It's getting close to CHRISTmas and stuff, and I didn't feel the holiday cheer over there, and I'm sure as hell not feeling it over here. I've never spent it here before but people who have can testify that it's a pretty joyous occasion. Moreso over here than there. I don't even really like Santa, presents, buying presents, candy canes and christmas carols. It's all fun and stuff, cause usually I'd get like an extra paycheque calculating the amount of aunts and 20 dollar bills I get. 
Holidays are there not only because it was set in stone a million years ago, but it creates an ambience and feeling and purpose to go buy presents for all your friends, give out heart-shaped candies with corny phrases on them, be thankful for things that you have. Just like Christmas and Valentines Day, and Thanksgiving, I wish people felt as they did on these holidays all year 'round. If everyday was Christmas, everyone would have the heart of a giver, if everyday was valentines day, love would really be, in the air, if everyday was thanksgiving, then nothing would be taken for granted. I ask myself sometimes, why don't I ever give a gift to my friends on March 7th? Or, July 15th? Why don't I go miles for my significant other on February 22nd? 
God is Love...every single day of the fricken year. I'm not asking for ya'll to go buy rockband and diamond earings every day for your friends, or take your girfriend or boyfriend to a far off destination and honeymoon it all the time, but it's little, thoughtful things, year-round, is what's going to keep Christmas cheer, all year. Some people say that they'd want Christmas to be everyday, so, then why isn't it? - God is Love

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Writers Block..."Born and Raised"

My first blog in another country. woooh. haha. If ya'll don't know I'm in the Philippines. I finally got my aunts internet connected to my laptop, now I feel more, internet free. It sucks though, cause when I lok at the time on my laptop it shows vancouver time, and I know none of you guys are awake when I'll be blogging, or even on the computer. cause right now, it's 11:36pm. When I go back there, I'll actually, be travelling back in time. HAHA. Just a couple things to get out the way, ?itch, get out the way, get out the way, for those people who I promised Jordans. Most of you won't get them, just because I've been spending all my money buying my cousins here stuff. And because my aunt thinks that I'm gonna get robbed when I got to Greenhills, where all the fake ?hit is. I mean, I'd jump me too if I saw myself walking around with REAL clothes and SHOES and a dslr around my neck. I'm still promising a crap load of those plastic balloons. hahaha. In about 20 minutes it'll be my fourth day here and I'm glad times passing by pretty quick, cause I'm homesick like crazy. I shouldn't be though, I'm in the fricken HOT ASS SUN, and not in the blistering storm over there in vancity, and this is my REAL home, I guess you could say. But let's get into some thought shall we?
I got here around 10am on a humid December 19th. I didn't really know what to expect, mainly cause I haven't been back in 8 years and I don't really remember anything else besides my Lola's house. The culture and the city has changed the last time I was here. My family had mad renovations at my grandparents house, it's still the same outside but on the inside, they have nice tiles and painted walls, refurnished kitchen, and they've long retired the water pump and the manual flushing toilet. Sure, they don't have hot water but I mean, air-conditioning is more than enough. I don't live in the richest neighbourhood, or even the dopest villa in my town, as you can probably tell by some pictures, but it sure is home. 
The two minutes I walked with my cousin from my grandparents place to the new basketball court tells me alot about how the life is here now and has always been. A couple things have changed, alot more people own cars, and nice ones actually. Makes me a little jelous of my own. Everyones got a motorcyle. Those things get you pretty accesible. One thing that hasn't changed, is how free people love thier lives here. Not once, have I thought, don't these people have work? Or, don't these poeple have school? They just live. I don't question where they get thier money, or how they make it, to me thier just living. With whatever stuff they have, and what they have, is enough to get by, because they don't need too much, and the never have too little. Some of these kids, just sit on the side of street. watching cars go by for hours. They go to thier ballin' ass malls everyday just to feel the air conditioning. They drink, everyday. There's places, there's nightlife that Vancouver hasn't even seen, that Vancouver will never see. I wish I could live this life back in Vancity. But no, it's school errrday, then straight to work. 
I look at my family, and I see them look at me, their faces curious of me and the english that blurts out my mouth. My grandparents just sit near me, all the time, as I type this entry into my itouch notepad outside thier little bodega, they sit in front, watching me, not talking to me at all, and when I look up at them, they're already smiling, laughing even. I went to church today, and the pastor was talking about giving. I asked for a glass of coke, and my Lola told my cousin to go buy two litres of coke at the store for me. Of course, my grandparents want to cater to me all the time, and feed me 8 meals a day, but I should be giving back to them just as much as they've given to me. Walking through that alley, and seeing my grandma's face and feeling my grandpa's fist on forehead, sitting here, typing out this entry, while they watch me, is all that they want me to give. I'll sit beside them in silence, typing out entries all day if that fixes a smile on my Lolo's face. - God is Love

Monday, December 15, 2008

Writers Block..."SoBeautiful"




With no spaces in between my days, I haven't had enough time to blog. I mean, really sit down, read my bible/devotion book, and look out a window. I know it's bad, but sometimes, I actually really got to skip school or work to get this time. The past week was dope, weather-wise, not so much, I hate snow, it made my car look like it went off-roading . Anyway, I'm trying to troubleshoot the new iTouch that Tito Marc Generoso gave me for christmas. Not working, so I'm gonna hit up the apple store later on, get it checked out. I'm not good with following online trouble-shooting tutorials. I got a bit sidetracked cause I decided to upload the 300 hundred pictures  I took from the past two days. Yeah, I previewed all of them. Two words...SickStylz Symphony. 

It's 3 days before I leave for the Philippines and I'm just starting to build up some excitement. I'm a huge procrastinator, so I've yet to pack or withdrew any of my money to exchange for the trip. What I did do was, get all ya'll shoe sizes, merry christmas to the best of my friends, ya'll are getting fake-ass jordans and plastic balloons from your resident a-symetrical mullet friend. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. And greetings from the Philippines. Ma-boo-high. 

I know this sounds like a Jenny Craig infommercial, but I beleive, that everything is beautiful. AnyTHING, posesses some quality of beauty. Of course, don't take into context that I think a pile of dog?hit is beautiful, but ya'll know what I mean. haha. I'm not a fan of travelling, and to be honest, I wouldn't be that astounded by the Eifle Tower or even a solar eclipse. You can explain to me the history of the the Taj Mahal or the scientifics of astrology, I think I'd only be amazed about how much I learned rather than the actual place or event. I can learn to appreciate that type of beauty, if it doesn't hit me now, looking at the digital still on my camera probably would. 
What contributes to beauty is experience. You can go through dramatic ?hit with your girlfriend or boyfriend, and look how much more good-looking they become after you guys break up? right? haha. I'm kidding. There's a sense of appreciation. Looking at Machu Peechu(is that how you spell it?) in pictures is cool, but what's the first couple things that come out of you're mouth after "that's dope" when looking at the picture? I'd say "Yo, I wanna go there", "Wouldn't it be cool if I lived there?". The streets of "Sex in the city" and "Gossip Girl" are dope to see on-screen. What I think makes the image stimulating, is the imagination that maybe you could be there. Being there. Expriencing it. 
I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now on 6th and 6th in New Westminster. It's no VIP lounge or nothing, there's used cups on every table because people are lazy these days and can't throw away thier own trash. haha. They play really crappy music, I think I heard SoulDecision play a minute ago. haha. The two girls that are working are the loudest people in the shop. But it's dope. Cause they hardly have any walls. Just huge windows as replacements. 6th and 6th is like the Robson and Thurlow of New West but a million times less quieter and busier, but it's "Downtown New West". On any weather occassion, this is the ?hit when I need to write. Everything is beautiful, because we choose to make it beautiful, you just have to find whatever small thing that contributes to it, and we if we find beauty in everything, then everyone would be content with the things that surround thier lives. Cool? That's be SoBeautiful. - God is Love 

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Writers Block..."It's like I have brains on the back of my head"


Today was pretty productive. I got alot of writing and thinking done. Some really good discussion aswell. Someone reminded me that I haven't done "Fly girl" in a while. Sorry, camera is in a bit of a delay. Some dope songs to listen to...
Colin Munroe's mixtape: Colin Munroe is the Unsung Hero
Kanye West's 808's and Heartbreak
JayZ ft. Santogold's Brooklyn Go Hard
Jamie Foxx ft. Kanye West and The Dream's DIgital Girl
Chester French and Ursulla Rucker are people to look out for..okay, let's go in..

Reading other people's blogs and writing, talking to other people about thier life isthe most refreshing thing to me as of present. Reading and hearing the ranges of life make me thing 'alice and wonderland' type ?hit. Talking to alot of people I understand that everyone goes through the same things, just at different times. Everyone experiences the "Chain of Affection"(next blog), puberty(haha), everyone finds their "niche", everyone get's on thier wild-side at some point in life. Some people just stay that way though, haha. 
I feel bad for introverts. JUST KIDDING. Well, I very much prefer hanging out with one person, or a small group, sitting in a oddly furnished room on my laptop. I get to know more people, when hanging out with one person. 
I was at a friends house the other night, and she was telling me little things about herself and she gave me, better perspective on people, that think like her. I never understood her type of emotional pathway, but seeing her, being herself, helped me understand why, someone else like her, is that way. 
The more different people I talk to, the more perspective I gain, the less judgemental and inconsiderate I become, and the more relationships I build. It's like I have brains at the back of my head. - God is Love. 

Monday, December 1, 2008

Writers Block..Preview To Streetwear Culture Project...Sneakers..


Hey guys, for those who don't know, I'm going to Langara for Journalism next september, after I graduate from my filipino dream of becoming a nurse. haha. Anyway, every year since grade 8 I've been doing big writing projects on my spare time, for example, my 'Chicken Sabao for the Soul' Chronicles(which are still compiling, actually), 'Penny for my Thoughts' chronicles(can be found on my old xanga www.xanga.com/atari_er which includes my recent blog "Stand") and to my latest accumulation of writing "Writers Block". 
The past 2 or 3 years, streetwear culture has been beneath the shadows of the young peoples fashion, mainly because, none of us could have ever afforded those clothes, especially with half you guys not even eligible to work 3 or 4 years ago. This past year and a bit before, streetwear is on it's way to reach the top of it's height in popular fashion. The top 10 freshmen of XXL magazine are all decked in your most popular brands and styles, from the 80s baby style, snapback caps and vintage crew necks to your slick shit boys with cheap monday jeans and japanase-can't even tell the time-watches. Everyone is jumping on this streewear thing, and it's not even a branch out of hip hop anymore, it's becoming it's own culture, with it's own branches. That's what I intend to explore, or, exploit? 
To preview it for ya'll since I've been talking so much about it lately is a small peice I wrote back in '04 when I was in grade 9, when Stussy was the only brand out there, and El Kartel was the only ones doin' it, and dunks only came in plain white with the grey bottoms. When sportswear was the biz. Here goes..

"I heard some guy in El Kartel saying to his friend that he maxed out $1500 dollars on kicks in one month. Ridiculous? Yeah. I thought that having the 20-25 pairs or so shoes I had at the time was big, this guy had it "going on". I thought to myself, neither I or he could stop. Stop what? Stop buying shoes. Like many sneakerheads, we need that fix. Similar to a drug addict, a junkie, I am a sneaker-junkie. It satisfies us so much to feed our endless appetite of new kicks. It's this internet thing. The only reason I know about all these things, is because of the World Wide Web. With online ordering, ebay, credit cards for the older cats being pushed in our faces, it's hard not to see why our pockets will forever look flat. Flat pockets, sneaker junkie symptom numero uno. Walking into a shoe store, going over the internet, signing in to my crookedtongues account only feul the fire, and SLAM magazines annual KICKS edition throws in some wood for those flames. I've had my relative or friend look at the stack of shoes in my room and I hear the same diagnosis, "You've got a big problem". Of course, I don't see it as a problem. Do people say the same thing about people who keep old records, stamps, or action figures? Being a sneaker junkie at the age of 14 makes it even harder for people to comprehend. People always ask, "where do you get that money?", "What do your parents do?", "Are you spoiled?". But this isn't a problem. Sneaker Junkies have been here long before me, and my generation, these older cats grew up with these sneakers that are getting "re-releases" and the shoes that are referred to as "classics" and "retros". They witnessed first hand, the birth of sneaker culture, the first Jordan shoe, the converse weapons and the dasler brothers rise in thier own sneaker lines. Those are the OG's. Sometimes people tell me that I have alot of sneaker knowledge, I say I don't. I don't even know half of it. All I got on are a pair of dirty brown vandals and saved up allowance stuffed inside my invisble jordan 1's sitting beside my beat up clydes. What do I know about sneakers? I know that I need them. I know that, they're meant to be worn."

That's just a preview of a what was s small project now turned into a huge one. Alright, that's all I gotta get back to studying. - God is Love 



Friday, November 21, 2008

Writers Block...Let me explain..



Yesterday I was going through people's blogs, besides realizing how crappy my layout is compared to other peoples, I noticed the titles of poeples blogs, thier URL tags..the title of thier entries, even what they put instead of "2 comments", they'll put "2 (insert something clever)". Everyone has thier own style, and I wonder sometimes where they get all that from. Trust, I ain't no steez-biter, that's a given, what I mean is, what were they thinking when they decided to name thier blog.."Blunts&DirtySneakers". (Sorry Jel, first one I thought of) This is where I get my style from....
 
Plain and simple "I used to b.l.o.g." = "I used to love h.e.r."
Reading is free...well, isn't it? 

1John 4:7-21

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is Love. This is how Got showed his love among us: He send his one and only Son into the world that we might through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and send his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, sing God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen god; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and relu on the love God has for us. God is Love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will ahve confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears in not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. If anyone says "I Love God", yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not see. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother. - God is Love..

That's my style...where do you get your style from?..


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Writers Block...Stand

Stand for something. Or something will Stand in the way of what you could've stood for. And if you don't Stand for something in this life, let me ask you, what are you good for? I have no problem with thousands of people bending down on thier knees to pray, but if you Stand straight up, it's a little bit easier for God to hear what you're trying to say. You've already fallen for the sickness of jelousy, hatred and envy. Well, if you Stand for what you don't know, then why don't you Stand for what you believe. Stand for honour, your honour, I don't need to Stand and testify, you see I've taken and Stand and testified that taking a Stand was the best thing I've ever done in my life. I took a Stand against wrong, so I could Stand to do something right. And if you are Standing in my way, it's time that Stand aside. My mother once taught me that "can't" was not a word and "ain't" was not a verb and if I didn't Stand for what I said, I'd fall for what I heard. She told me, "you don't need anybody's help, you can Stand all by yourself" and "if you can't Stand on your own, you'll have to Stand on something else". Either you Stand by your words, or you Stand all by yourself. Alot of us, we're just on standby, just Standing by, letting life pass us by, and I'm not understanding why. Are you just an innocent bystander? Or are you just standing by? We lose the approval of God by seeking the applause of man. So, make your minds and plans, hold on with your hands, get on your own two legs and Stand. For something, or fall for anything. But if you find something to Stand for, you won't fall for many things. You may understand alot, but you cannot Stand for anything. And you can't Stand against the same you Stand for, and you can't Stand anything less if you can't Stand for anymore. Equality, Jesus, Family, Prosperity, those are some of the things I Stand for, but I can't Stand those people who are not against nor neither for, man, take a Stand...be either or. Either against, or either for. And once you find something in your heart to be eager for, then you Stand. Because your Stand, is your platform. Your life beings on it, Stand like your life depends on it and get ready for the war. Don't hold steady, go forward, straight ahead...^that way^..hold your hands up, look straight ahead...^that way^...and when it seems hard. Man, you just see God. And that way, whatever your problem, it'll be solved, that day. You give it to God, that day and that way, whatever problem or your situation, whatever circumstance you're facing, whatever dream that you're chasing, whatever oppurtunity that you've wasted...it won't hinder your progress.  Because His word, it Stands as his promise and that's just what He sees in you. So whatever it means to you, however important or unimportant it might seem to you, put on the armour of God, and let him lead in you. Know that I believe in you, and then all you need to do...is Stand. 

Friday, November 14, 2008

Writers Block...FOR REAL. But I'm back.

This is the girl who sold her virignity...A million dollars huh?
Sorry for people who actually follow my blog and read it. I just recently found out(2 minutes ago) that you can "follow" someones blog. That's dope. I'd like to see what other people do on thier blogs, I always get people coming up to me and saying "Oh Donnel I read your blog" and in my mind I'm saying "Oh snap, I wish I read yours cause now I have nothing to say except talk about my own blog" and it makes it even worse when they say "Yeah I read it all the time", especially since I haven't put anything out for the past week or so. So here's just a quick rundown of some random stuff, uhm, my links aren't as clear, so if the font of the words are purple it's a link. 

Go get Kanye West's new album "808's and Heartbreak". I'm not sure when it's coming out but if you want a preview go over to his blog www.kanyeuniversecity.com/blog and take a listen and even download some of the tracks on that album. 
Just for Aubrey, even though I don't think she reads this, I really want ya'll to go listen to Santa Gold and Lykke Li. Dope Dope Dope chicks. If you're one of those people that need a better testimonial to listen to new music, Q-tip said that Santa Gold was one his favorite artists out right now. The abstract said so. So go listen to her. haha.  
Starbucks is in christmas mode now, so go get your peppermint mochas and Gingersnap Latte's. Cranberry bliss bars are edible euphoria. Come over to my starbucks, The Hudson in Granville street station, I'll give you a free drank. 
That girl who auctioned off her virginity made 1 million dollars, coming from an old man who looks like the old man pervert man from family guy, just a bit younger and better posture and 6'4. He's still a petofile nonetheless. 
The Netherelands have some crazy club that runs on people dancing on the dancefloor. The more people that dance on the dance floor, the more power the club produces. Crazy huh? Europe is the bomb. 
Something I read on the White People blog, white people are the most eager to learn a second language. However, they never do. haha. White people are funny as hell. 
Listen to MICKEY FACTZ the dude is a beast. 
Remember Drake? The "Replacement Girl" guy. He should've been on the cover of XXL as well with Mickey and Asher Roth and those guys cause that dude is probably one of the best out right now. If you don't know him, get to know him. He knows his music. He knows how to make it, I mean, Dr.Dre put him on Detox so shoot. Who knew the wheelchair kid from degrassi would be good at rapping. shoot. 
That's all I can think of right now 'cause I have to get to work. Oh...

FOR ALL YOU CHEAP FOLKS AND HYPEBEASTS AND HIPSTERS WITH NO MONEY, MONDAY NOVEMBER 17TH, EVERYTHING AT VALUE VILLAGE IS 50% OFF. SO HYPEBEASTS GO GRAB THOSE DIRTY ASS CREWNECKS YOUR DADDY USE TO WEAR FOR 2 BUCKS. 

GOD IS LOVE. 



Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Do you remember....


Before the stupid ass Facebook Chat. Before Yahoo Messenger. Before MSN messenger. There was. ICQ. Remember that? Did anyone else have ICQ besides my cousin James and I. Ya'll can't be THAT young to not remember ICQ. But anyway, just to give you a background on ICQ..
It was actually produced by "Mirabilis". A company that was founded by 4 Israeli men. Wierd huh. Well, later on it was eventually bought by AOL. It was launched worldwide around november 1996. People still use ICQ. In fact, over 31 million people still us it to date. The reason I got to talking about it is cause an ICQ sound effect came up in a song that I downloaded, and a customer noticed it when I was playing the song at my work. Funny. Anyway, here some things that I've been down with lately...

Music: Duffy. She's dope, She goes along the lines of the lead singer of metric and adele. 
Proton mixtape. SHIT. So good. 
Books: I'm sad to say..."twilight". just read it. haha. 

Hudson's starbucks is dope and american apparel can suck my ballsack with their stupid defect products. 

I'm too lazy to link some funny videos I've been wathching. BUT. I WILL LINK THIS....GENIUS!!!! SHAUN EVARISTO

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Writers Block...Eustress

So I learned there's this kind of stress that's suppose to be good for you. Stress, good for you, I know. It's called "eustress". The "eu" part coming from the word Euphoria, or Euphoric, meaning being in a state of complete and utter hapiness. How is it possible that someone can be, happy, being stressed? Think about all the things that make you stress out. School, your boyfriend, or girlfriend maybe, your parents, work, just some of the main things that people stress about. Where is the hapiness in all those people and things that we stress about? 
I think that stress has some deciding factors that could turn your bad stress into good stress. Depending on the situation, for example, stressing about a test, is good, because it'll make you study hard, if you didn't stress about the test than you wouldn't study as hard, but I guess some of you would for you brains out there. I think the amount of stress you carry or dispell has something to do with your attitude, and a little bit of your self-esteem. If you thing very negatively, the stress of studying for a test might discourage you form studying hard because you keep hammering away that you're going to fail. 
The 2nd day class, my teacher gave me this paper, that had a quote from Charles Swindoll. I'm not sure if I already blogged about this, but I believe it's the story of my current life. He says "Life is 10 percent, the events that happen  to you, and 90 percent how you react to it". You're attitude towards people, and events, play a big role in the outcome. It may see like I went a little bit off topic, but I'll finish it off quick, don't worry...
I know it sounds corny, but if you maintain a positive attitude, then most of your life will be positive. Look at things in different lights, don't restrict yourself to your narrow vision, step back and look at the bigger landscape. The only way you'll study hard for that test, is if you keep up the attitude that you need to study, so you may recieve a great mark. For you hypees out there, working at your dead end jobs, wash those dishes, fold them clothes, and think, on your payday, those new Jekel and Hyde Dunks will be yours. Keeping that attitude, will lessen your dread of work, and better work shit out with your significant other. It's not going to end up good if both of ya'll are stressin' bad. So pretty much, it's your attitude that determines your reaction to stress, and your reaction to stress determines whether it'll be good or bad. So pretty pretty much, Good attitude, React well, Eustress. So go get stressed. - God is Love 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. OCTOBER 18th. 19 years of age. Don't ask me to buy liquor.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Just Checkin' In


 I suggest you guys start listening to Jessica Tonder. Just do yourself and favor and nap to her songs. haha. Get on top of Kanye West's leaks of his new songs "Heartless" and "Coldest Winter". Dope shizzz. I don't have that much time to blog, cause I've been in deep studying mode but I'm gonna make it back tomorrow which is my BIRTHDAY. Happy 19th birthday to myself. I wish I could give you links to the Kanye and Jessica Tonder songs but Zshare and media fire are shut down today. What I can do is give you youtube links so ya'll can check them out. I take that back, the internet at my work is being stupid right now. So I'll jsut do it later. 
I think I told you guys a while back that I was doing a documentary on Jacking. I have finished the written part. and I'll be giving snippets of it every couple days on this blog. I might just post the whole thing up on facebook note but it's long as hell. haha. So yeah. The video documetary will start as soon as I get a camera for it. I have to organize everything first. Look out for that. 
Mixtape of the Week: SHAWN CHRYSTOPHER- I.W.G. (I Wear Glasses)
Magazine to Read: ADBUSTERS (Sorry ya'll it's 8 bucks but hey, it's form Vancouver)
I'm Watching Nick and Norah tomorrow!
Ever hear of that group "Retro Kidz", I got some stuff to say about those guys later. Well i gotta go to work. God is Love

Monday, October 13, 2008

Music, Books etc.



Black Milk - ELEC mixtape
PROTON - Red and Purple Mixtape
COMMON- UNSIGNED HYPE DEMO 

Sorry I don't have links for the rest of 'em but this is what I'm listening to right now. Not reading any books currently, I don't watch movies, but I am planning to watch that Nick and Norah movie, Let me know if that's good. I've heard good reviews. Haven't looked up on my other blog sites and youtube and such so I don't have anything to cool to show ya'll today, but hopefully you like the music, and hopefully you can find the other ones, some really really good stuff. Common's thing is his demo mixtape, before he became the God MC that he is. Alright, 3 posts in an hour. latteerrrr. - God is Love

Writers Block...Real Talk

Reading my dope 365 days of devotions book (yeah, Donnel's into God and stuff, surprise surprise) I was expecting one of those Thanksgiving devotions but today was pretty cool. It's one of those messages you have to repeat over and over in your head, and once it sinks in your mind opens up to the message. 
We live in a world that's accepting. Anything goes really. Gay marriages are being allowed, morality, is relevant, truth is too complicated to pin down, and committment is defined on our current moods, people talking about there are different ways to "God". "Tolerance" is just a code word for "don't preach to me, I have no intent on changing". Some things that I'll write on my "Real talk" blog entries, are going to sound like sweet music, to the repentant ears. I'd even be surprised if some of ya'll are still reading up 'til now. To tell you the truth, this isn't one of my favorite blogs to write. It should be, really, but messages like these aren't popular to this sort of world we're tolerating. What if I told you that, you're life would be changed if you just chill with God for the rest of your life. I mean, not that stupid stuff like, thanking God when you're giving a speech or your grad write up. I mean, really chill with Him. Really get to know the guy, and know what he's done and could do for you. What if I told you bloggers that blog about the stress' and flaws in your lives that you'd never have to blog about those things or think about them any longer? Be dope right? What if I told you that all you need to do, is make a choice and live your life beside God, and just chill with Him. I stand firm in my words, 'cause I chill, and I stand with God. I'm not trying to decieve you, and coax you into knowing what "real talk" is about, and what the "real truth" is in this world, and in your life. If you've read up to now, you're one step closer to chillin' with God. God's truth is the only water that quenches thirst and the only bread that is filling...- God is Love 

"FLY GIRL"


New stuff to the blog. Will be explained when I add them on I guess. Uhh, "Fly girls". Kanye has his "Where are you yeezy?" chicks. I'm going to try and and do a lot of different girls, from random pictures, local girls, models and what not, but I'm going to try and keep it local. First one though isn't, I don't really know much about her but I came across her picture on Look Book. So yeah, "Fly girl". She's just too fly, just too fly, Didn't ask for her nuber and you're wondering why? Cause she just too fly just too fly..-God is Love


Tuesday, October 7, 2008

MIghty...Ready To Save

Pray for Seoul, Korea. Friday's going to be the bizznass in Seoul. Passion Seoul. 
Last night I went to Passion Vancouver. at GM Place, the largest gathering of Christian University students. 7000 made it out, and who knows how many could've went. Free show, Chris Tomlin, David Crowder Band. Off the chain. 
From this day forward, I'm out of my "Writers Block". I'm still going to keep the title just cause I think it sounds cool. I figured the reason I couldn't think of anything good to write about is that, I went blind. I went blind to my everyday. Music, Hip Hop, Dance, and most of all God. That is my everyday. I lost God, and then went dance, and then went hip hop. Hip Hop came back, dance came back, God's back. Writing is easy. I don't even have to look at the keyboard anymore. I don't even ahve to look at the screnn anymore. I ust place my fingers over these white soft key mac keys and my fingers go. Just go off. I put on for God. I put on for my writing. I put on for Hip Hop. I put on for my everyday. I put on for the bigger picture. So I put on my black skinnys and nikes, throw my peacoat over, macbook in my scarf and put on for my blog. Go grab my free shit from my starbucks, sit in the corner..and put on..

Is his arm too short to ransom you? Does he lack the strength to rescue you? You think your life is too far gone to be changed? When was anything impossible for God, the one parts sea's, slays giants, heals the blind and lame, cleanses leapers, turns water into wine, and cannot be held in a tomb. Whatever your situation, that does not scare god to interevee into your life, you just have to give Him a crack opening in your hearts cave. It takes a little bit of faith, so when he bursts into your life, you will recognize his presence. He looks for faith, genuine, persistant, bold faith. Let's see it?...Remember, He stands, Ready to Save. - God is Love...Peace, back by popular demand. two licks in the air for obama. change gon' come, I'm praying for you America. aight I'm gone. 

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Writers Block.."In A Rush"


I'm working in a half hour and usualy it takes about an hour or so to think of something good to say. I forced myself to have not as muh time as before so I can just write about whatever I'm thinking, and pretty much just force myself to write. In saying this, I was talking to a friend and I was telling her how I'm forcing myself to write about one topic for one a whole journal and she told me that she tried to get in the groove to draw again but nothing inspired her. Nothing inspires her. Nothing inspires me. Or, everything inspires me. I guess I'm just having one of those clever hypocritical thoughts. I'm not inspired to write, but the thought of not being inspired makes me inspired to write about not, being, inspired. In thought of inspiration, I ask anyone who reads this, what inspires you to do what you do? Shit, if the wage your getting for your job inspires you to work, then go'head my homie, get that money. I can never get inspired to do something that I don't normally do or that I don't like. I don't normally snowboard, but if I see snowboarding on television then I'll want to snowboard, but if I see, people working out or some shit on t.v...I still won't work out. haha. At the same time I think it comes down to how much you love what you do, and I'd go on into another blog I wanted to write but I'll just stop here cause I'm going to go eat my kim chi noodles before I go to work. Last words are, that's Blackstreet in that photo if ya'll remember, they INSPIRED the title to my blog get inspired, rain is fricken dope, litterally, BMO on West Georgia just got robbed today, Half the starbucks in the city don't have Creme Base, so if your craving a green tea, vanilla bean, or strawberry frappuccino, sorry homies. Now that's some useful information niiinnnjjaaaa! God is Love...PEACE...is back by popular demand. 

Monday, September 15, 2008

Writers Block.."Grown Out"


Do you ever notice, now that you're a little bit older, some of your old habits have gone to the trash bin of your lifes computer. Give me an honest answer when I ask ya'll, when was the last time you picked your nose? I mean really picked the hek out of it. Then stuck it underneath your couch or your rug in your living room. When was the last time you got $1 worth of 5 cent candies at 7 eleven. Girls, when was the last time you took a picture fo your eye? HAHA. Or a picture of your stomach, or your ass for some of ya'll. Guys, when was the last time you streaked your hair so your head looked like a leapard. When was the last time you used liquid gel for your hair? And even for some of ya'll, when was the last time you did the c walk or the harlem shake? HA. Sometimes, I'd think about making a new Nexopia account just so I could see if there are people still doing that stuff. LG's taking pictures of thier asses and shizz. Sometimes I wonder if every kid goes through those stages? From the grade 8 stiff hip rocking dances to the up in the club real close to sex dancing. Baggy jeans to skinny jeans. And1's to Vans. Basketball headbands to fitted caps. Wanting a platinum to chain to a wooden rosary. I mean, I'm only 19. What's going to happen when I'm 25 and writing another one of these and saying TheHundreds to Club Monaco. Skinny Jeans to Dress Pants. Vans to...still be rocking vans when I'm 25. haha. I can't have this rat-tail forever. These jeans won't fit me in 7 years. Maybe we won't even be using facebook anymore. Maybe we'll all be using some new stupid shizz called "headnovel". All our emails will be ourrealname@somethingnothotmail.com. I was originally calling this entry "grown out" but it seems like I have alot more growing to do. - God is Love...Peace...is back by popular demand. 

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Writers Block.."All Smiles"

So, I was looking through sthe little DVD collection I have, thinking of which one I'd like to fall asleep to and I found a burnt copy of "Pursuit of Hapiness". Which struck up the thought of what makes me happy? What are things that make people happy? I googled "hapiness" and the first item that showed up was "What makes hapiness". It's pretty much a bunch of people on this thread and they list things that they think makes people happy. Here's some of the things that some people wrote:
Living in a country that is in peace, having good physical and mental health,being in love, having lots of friends, having lots of interests, having a positive attitude...etc etc. 
So this is my little two cent on what the pursuit of hapiness is, or, what hapiness is..
Everyone find hapiness in thier own personal outlet, whether it be reading a book, dancing, taking care of thier kid etc. I think it's safe to say that everyone wants to be happy. Content with thier lives and what they're are doing with it. Some people, find hapiness in all sorts of different things and they jump from one thing to another. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy. It's where you find hapiness is what I find not to be the negative side. Some people find hapiness in having a significant other, but once thier unhappy, what are they to do? FInd another? Then another? On and on that cycle goes. If someone finds hapiness in cliff diving? Then what's after that? Bungee jumping, then sky diving, then free falling? There has to be something constant that makes you happy without you even doing anything. Something above an activity, or an extreme sport. Something that makes you wake up in the morning, feeling fresh and content the first second you open your eye. This earth, this world we dwell in is filled with temporary highs that you can try and give you that extra kick in your step but there's only so many things, what happens when you run out? What's going to make you happy? Better question, who's going to make you happy? God is Love, as well as he is hapiness. - Peace...back by popular demand. 


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Some unprofound shit..

It's been a while so I'm just gonna jump straight in it...
It's something about the beginning of a year and the end of it that makes you think about the past. Scrolling through old pictures on your photo albums on facebook, and remember people you didn't hang out with over the summer and giving them one of those "YO we didn't even chill during summer.." things or like myself, posting up an old ass picture fo yourself and becoming sad knowing that I could never have my hair like that again. haha. Maybe writing a blog or a note commemorating a great summer. Whatever it is you do, it's always times liek these that amke you look back. Why do certain points in time make you do or think about other things? Why do we only think about spoiling your significant other on valentines day or on our month-a-versarys? Why can't we always spoil them. Why can't we give that "new love" feeling everyday? Why is it only Christmas and Birthday's we give people gifts? Sure, it's tradition, and it's a celebration of that person's life but try giving a person a present on November 17th. You'll know the difference. 
You want to know something cool? It only takes a blog like this to make someone realize something like that. Let me be the one to trigger that emotion in you, let this blog be a point in time that makes you change the points in time of your life if that even makes sense. So lovers, it's best to do the little things all year than one or two big things for one or two days or the year. So friends, let each other know when one of ya'll has done something dope for each other, that alone, thanking them for something as little as meeting them somewhere less convenient for them extends the life of your bond. haha. I sound like Mark and Craig Keilburgers "Me to We" book. Whatever. anyway, this was to just get me warmed up for some big stuff. later ya'll. - God is Love

Sunday, July 27, 2008

He said, She said


People talk. That's what people do best. Really, who doesn't enjoy talking? Well, I think I know a couple who don't but for the most part, talking it pretty enjoyable, even to yourself, for some people. I never used to be really in tune of what was going on outside of my personal network, I was always outside the box and never really questioned anything. I never really wanted to know things. Now that I'm in this "box" it's been non-stop useless info. ( That's why today I decided to watch a documentary on the seven wonders of the world, haha) 
Pretty much, It's fun to talk about stuff like that I guess, I just choose to not absorb it, or to pass it on, cause then I'm gonna be filling someone elses mind with useless information. Or I could tell them about machu pichu or the great wall of china? Yeah? Yeah? haha. Keepin' it plan. - God Is Love

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

So, what now?

It feels as if so much has happened from the last time I blogged. There's just too much to write about. Well, first, I should've had a blog for the past 4 days but my macbook broke. Yeah, they break, believe it. haha. Right when I was getting in the mood to blog I didn't have my laptop. I was too lazy to write so I tried to keep it all in my head and this is what I can recall. 
Concerning my best friend... You don't know how much you care. You care too much for me and I think I should start caring for you back. Nothing gives me the right to act how I have to you. I know for the time we were together I had to try and "get" things for you and meet your demands. You were being selfish but so what, I needed you. With that, It doesn't give me any reason to act the same way you did, and you know I need my space, and you've done a good job giving it to me. I know it's a bit frustrating because sometimes I want you in my space and other times I want you out, but please understand me. I can't always have you around, even though I want you to be. I love you okay? 
I think I've lost track of where I'm suppose to be going, I think I keep making a lot of wrong moves which put me in situations where I don't want to be in. I trust that I'll be on the right path soon. School's is almost here. Yeah I said the "S" word. I just want to get back on the grind and get my head in the books again. So I can hide myself in my life of work and school. So I can go back to blogging about work and school. Work and school. Church and school. Work, church and school. Then my friends. My friends and work. My friends at work. This summer has been fulfilling and life considering experience. I know there's still like a good month and a half before School actually starts but I think I'm done with everything. I just want to cool out. My summer's at it's peak, and I just want it to plateau and slowly dwindle down. I'm sure I'll do a summer recap I guess this is just a teaser but right now I just wanted to get something poste before I'd get too lazy and disappear. Peace. - God is Love

Friday, July 11, 2008

You get what you ask for

I've been asking for this for the past two months, and I asked for a signs, and I finally got one. Right when I thought, "I'm coming back", something happens that forces me to think otherwise. To tell you the truth, I was so ready to go back that I wasn't ready to leave again. It's funny how the script flips on you. But hey, I asked for this right. I have to play with the hand that I dealt to myself. I asked for her to realize those things, I asked for my space, I asked that if it was really us, then what would a time of seperation have an affect on us? Just sucks thinking about it. What can I really do now? Nothing I guess. I guess I can't get mad over her sketchyness, I guess I don't have to really care so much about the things she does. 'Cause that doesn't faze me right? No matter how much I tell myself that it's over, and it really is, regardless if we're not together, I still have to stop liking her. 
On a lighter note, thanks for sticking with it for year. I knew it was, really up and down alot but I'm really thankful for you. You know all that already. I don't have to tell you, just look in your inbox. haha. I know things won't be the same, and I won't feel as comfortable with you for a little bit, but, it's because I lost something in you. but it's cool, i guess I'll get it back sometime. Keep my stuff. It's all for you. I'll hold your heart, and I'll take care of it for a while. Cool? - God is love

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Aint no sunshine when she's gone...


I don't really read other peoples blogs, Not that I don't think their lives aren't as interesting as mine, I just don't. I went around yesterday and read peoples blogs, just browsing, and reading what people are up to and what clever epiphony they've chosen to add in as a general "life lesson" by so and so. You know one those boy meets world type of quotes like "Lose one friend, Lose all friends, Lose yourself...". I've come to a conclusion, that when people blog, a secret personality comes out while they type that makes themselves sound witty and clever, which makes thier blogs sound like they've been thinking deeply about their lives, but really, it's that horoscope reading feeling that brings out the sudden deep thoughts. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll breifly explain. Horiscopes are just general assumptions that don't have any specific reason. They dont tell the future, it doesn't foreshadow your destiny. It's actually all you. haha. That 1 hour of 5 minutes of you blogging, you sort of come up with a horoscope in your head, which coincidentally, relates to your life situations?! Then we're all like, "Shit yo, that was deep" then we go on typing. I give mad props to those people that blog shit like, parents divorcing, or that they smoked weed all day. I'm not putting down people that don't blog like that, cause that witty clever shit is dope, and fun to read. But being totally transparent to people that you don't even know, is raw stuff. It's the realest thing you'll ever read, some people blog straight up "fuck my life etc etc. this is why" some people channel thier lives through peoms, or stories or my favorite, in 3rd person. It's not only the bad things, if it's something as little as, "chyea I got my first job today" then say that shit. We don't need horoscopes, We don't need our life lessons, We need your life. Maybe I'm just a harcore blogger, saying what it is, I'm not bashing anyone, or telling anyone how to write blogs, cause there isn't, you're free to write whatever it is you feel, you're feelings are real, now you know mine. - God is Love. 

Currently Reading... Turning White by Lee Thomas
" Listening... Jaguar Skills x Jay-Z "American Ninja Mix" (instrumental version) 
" Chillin... Hudsons Starbucks, inside Granville station
" Kickin... Nike Dunk Low Classics White/black
" Shoppin... Value Village


Sunday, June 29, 2008

and she left me with her heart


We fight. We fought. We argue. We argued. We scream. We sreamed. We cry. We cried. We laugh. We laughed. We bitch. We bitched. We love. We... love. After the last war, she gave me her heart. If I could live without the one beating in my chest, I'd hand it to her. We went through, our cycle. It's time that we'd break it and make an endless line. Who know's how long that'd take. I think we've both been playing this patience game, now we have to play it, on seperate teams. I hope, that in this patience game, an "all star game" would bring us back to play with each other. And maybe, just maybe, if our coach agree's, I'd get traded back to you. More Time as a signing bonus, and a life contract worth love point 2 million kisses. 
Somtimes, it hurts to know the truth, especially when you're the one delivering it. It hurts even more to deliver it, and even more knowing that it's right. With all the options and oppurtunities to do the wrong things, but we all have the capacity to do the right thing. We can't put each other through it anymore. She can stop chasing. I should stop running. It's all in God's perfect time. And so she left me with her heart, and so I'm giving it to Him. Even if I can't take care of you anymore, I'm going to make sure that you are. I'll be seeing you. around I guess. This last ones, for you...
I never knew what what what I got, til what I got was gone, 
I loved you you you so much, and that feelin still stays strong
It was those 3 words, made us able to fly
Wish we could've made it to the man in the sky
today, i didn't want to but I was able to cry
I never been good at sayin' goodbye
I'm takin' deep breathes, cause now the times are hard
When I reminisce over you, My God
I spent many years tryna be the heart throb
I guess it's only right that I got ym heart robbed
Sittin' on a bench reminds me of you
Walkin' to the Quay, reminds me of you
Even when I fall asleep, still thinking of you
Hope the stars and Our God
Align me and you

We all make sacrifices. Develop your friendships for now, treat your sisters in the Lord like Gold and with utmost respect. - God is Love. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

I can't be alone. I have to be doing something. I have to be talking to someone. Because in the still of my room, the quiet, and just the sound of my fingers typing... kills me. It kills me to think of you. It kills me to not call you, It kills me that I can't see you. ever. It. Kills. Me. Sooner or later, you'll figure out why I was doing some things that looked wrong to you, it wasn't because I don't "get it". Honestly, I "get it". You were never going to let me "get it" with you. Sooner or later, you'll figure out that you were part of the problem too. And things you did, hurt me. I asked myself one day, why? Why did we keep going through it? I knew I wasn't good for you, so, why was I still there with you? Because I loved you? I guess. You were never going to let me love you, you were never going to let me do, anything. It kills me, that you're not here, it kills me that one of these days you're going to be reading this and saying to yourself, that I'm all wrong. That I screwed up everything. I don't put any blame on you. I only blame myself for things that I don't think I did for you, but I never blame you for anything, even for things that you did. Because I love you? I guess. It kills me, that I have free evenings and weekends on my phone, and I don't take advatage of it. It kills me, that I pushed myself to be an asshole, for you to leave me. It kills me, every letter, every tap of a key, every second. It kills me. So tell me, how do I stop myself from dieing? - God is Love. 

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Love is... Him


As a christian. The consistent problem we face is anxiety. Ironically, one of the most consistant messages in the Bible is for us not to be anxious. Sort of contradictary. Or does it make perfect sense? God commands us, not to be anxious, not to worry, not to be afraid, and to be courageous is so consistent for a fact that being fearful, being afraid is one of our worst problems. 
Why is God so concerned with out level of anxiety? Proverbs 12:25 says "an anxious heart weighs a man down...". Anxiety is a heavy burden, and it will cripple us from doign God's will and enjoying HIs presence, When we become absorbed in the threats of our difficulties, we aren't absorbed in God. We fear the things that seem to steal our lives away and we are placing them on a higher pedastol than the one who gives us life. God does not want us to be wieghed down, He does give us many responsibilities but he does not burden us with them, Jesus is our Burden Bearer, Aslong as we stress over our problems, we aren't letting God deal with them for us. HIs strength, while bearing the wieght of our lives, is our strength. Give it all up to Him, everything, and you'll bask in His glory. 
I can't think and ponder on my problems, and all the wrong things that i've done and the people that I've let down. I can't stress about my future, my school, my friends, my life. I want to be with Him. I want to feel His presence. I can't feel Him if I'm hiding in the tunnel of my problems. Everything. Everything is in His hands. I will not let myself dissappointment Him. I can't take care of myself, I need Him to back me up. 
To the one that I've taken for granted. A sorry isn't enough. But I know He's going to take care of us both. It kills me that I can't be there, because right now, I'm not good for you, for anything. I can't hope that God's going to bring us back together, But I can hope that God will bring you back. I'll always be thinking of you in my prayer, and always wonder what you're up to, and even if we don't cross paths, atleast I know that He's got you on the right one. 
"Love is kind when the world gets cold, Love stays strong when fight get's old, Love's a shoulder to lean on, Love is You. Love is like the water when well runs dry, Quench my thirst, keep me alive, Love is You" - Chrisette Michelle. Maybe one day I'll understand what that really means. And I could show you. All I know that Love is, is Him. - God is Love.