My words don't have the same effect as they used to. Those times where you would tell me why you shouldn't be with me, I had nothing to say. I couldn't say anything. 'Cause I believed you wouldn't have believed me. And it was somewhat true.When I would respond in that fashion, you would always tell me to "just try anyway". I knew how frustrated you were with us and everything else you ahve going on in your life, and you could've easily just cut me off. However, the fact that you were telling me to convince you to stay, even though you had all the reasons not to, made me realize how bad you want this. It made me realize that I need to show you that I want this just as bad. I try, I screw up. I try, I screw up. I try. I try. I try.
The thing I've noticed most about you, is that you give. You give so much of yourself to other poeple. You volunteer and get involved in so many things that from afar it seems so hard. Although, I believe that God has given you the gift of a giver. The ability to give yourself and your time to poeple and things that are in need. And I admire that.
What I'm trying most to do, for you, is to give to you. You give so much, you should be given. I want to give you the best of who I am and give you the best of everything you need from me.
I don't want to argue. I don't want us to go back & forth fighting with eachother. I don't want you to be frustrated. I don't want us to be a frustration. I need to be the one ease and take away your frustrations. I need to be your relaxation. I need your frustrations and all your worries to be lifted when your with me. I need to be your encouragement, I need to to be the to make you smile in the midst of your frowns.
I can't tell you how much I like you. You already know. I can't say how sorry I am for not "getting it". You know it. I don't want to always dwell on the negatives. I don't want us to be down on the fact that you're busy and that we might not have time to spend together. Let's be content with the time that we do get, even if it's a 20 minute drive from your school to your house. Or a couple second drop by to see if you're ok during a power outage. Philippians 12 says "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". I've learned to be content in these situations, the fact that keeps me that way, is the fact that I'm with you. If I don't hear your voice, or see your face for a month, that won't change the feeling I have for you, nor the fact that we're together. I'll wait those days to when I could just look at you, sit beside you in silence and wait for you to ask me "What are you thinking about?". I figured, if I wanted us this bad, I could wait. What's the rush? How do you rush..forever?
Friday, October 5, 2007
Today was probably the most frustrating days I've had in a while. I'm a generally happy person, but today had to really thrown off my regular mood. Problem #1. I was rushing for work this morning and I forgot to do my routine check of my 3 most important things. Keys, debit card, cell phone. I forgot my cell phone. That didn't really bother me. I was fine with going back home to get it, probably was gonna go back home anyway. Problem #2. I fell asleep on the train, and I woke up right when it got to granville. In a hurry to get out of my seat, I forgot my ipod sitting on my lap. It fell to the floor and I then realized AFTER i got off the train that it was gone. So i hopped on the next train and thankfully, It was there, laying on the floor. I was then 15 minutes late for work. Problem #3. It was a very busy friday @ Starbucks Sears and they needed poeple to stay longer, so I had to stay in an extra 45 minutes over my shift to help out with the rushes. I was pretty happy getting off work, so i fell asleep on the train again and went home. Approaching my front door, I reached in my pocket to get my house keys and they were not there. I left them at work. So I went all the way back to downtown from new west to get my keys which were there. It really sucked.
But there was a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak....I went to bible study. It was cool. Finally felt the whole youth thing again. Felt good. And I thank God for the oppurtunity. I got to see my girlfriend. cute. haha.
On my way home, I see this girl walking by me in the skytrain, I checked her out. Obviously. She turned around and I looked at her, GLORIA! A friend from highschool. One that I actually talk to. We talked about how we don't see much of alot of poeple anymore, and our random run-ins with poeple in our old crew, and she gets off at New West. I see her turn around and she looks at me and screams JOBAIR! (the guy with the ak-47 on his shirt. in the picture) One of my best homeboys was coming back from his basketball game. DOUGLAS WHAT. It felt just like highschool again, Jobair and his ramadan, Gloria talking really loud when everyone everything else is quiet, Me, standing there laughing. After Jobair is done fasting, and before Gloria leaves for Ghana, we're gonna try and get the old crew together for a dinner n chill out like "back in the day". Those few minutes at and on the skytrain with those 2 made me forget about my day earlier. Seeing those two just made my day.