Trigger Happy

I’ve walked a marathon in my socks to every corner of my bedroom and swam lengths in my sheets. Traveled down main streets and broad ways, filled my pockets with sand and stained my white jeans green. I don’t know where else to go. 

I’m usually a homebody. A stay-at-home-dad. 

A stay-at-home-dad who fathers thoughts and feelings instead of children. The more I think, the more they grow and it gets to a certain point where it’s just, annoying. Like a 5 year old. But we’re just so curious sometimes. We can ignore the thought, ignore the thought ignore the child ignore the thought ignore the thought but our child, needs answers. Sometimes we’re just not ready to give them the answer or we have to walk around it and tell them that babies are made when a stork drops them down from the sky in a blanket or at the end of a river in a basket. 

I was never into make-believe. 

Not that I was boring. Or wanted to look smart looking through the small section of non-fiction books in my elementary school. I honestly don’t really know why I never read fiction novels. I think as we get older we sort of take our current opinions about ourselves and place them in our childhood. As if  present day affects our past. But really, when we’re kids, we don’t give a fuck about self-identity, and “finding ourselves”. 

We didn’t give a fuck about how we looked, really. 

It’s alot different because media make us act more concious, LIFE makes us more concious and aware of ourselves. We go on this mental journey with ourselves, “finding” who are and defining our lives in experiences. Someone told me that music you listen to from the age of 12-14 are always going to have a special place in your heart of music. Foundation. That’s all it’s saying. Who were you when you didn’t give a fuck about life conciousness? That’s where we should start, and build on that. 

Straight up, 

I feel sometimes I sell my writing short because I use alot of “I guess” and “sometimes” and “maybe”. I try to cover the spectrum of my topic from end to end. It turns out to sound like one really long fortune cookie. I guess it’s just the way I write and that I shouldn’t change it. Sometimes I want to sound offensive and maybe a little bit disrespectul. 

Sometimes, I guess, maybe. 

- God is Love