One, Five, Now, Me

I’m thankful to have parents that never really pushed a future on me. I feel blessed to have found my direction, when I was fifteen. Y’know that defining moment in your life where you just, know, what you’re going to do for the rest of your life. Even if it almost seems unlikely and even impossible, you just, know. No matter what was holding you back you could see through those walls and feel it was possible. Because it is. I had that moment 6 years ago, and I knew I wanted to be...

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I layed in bed sweating oceans. I don’t even know if it was the humidity or my imaginations that were fuckin’ with me. I had just come home from the 3rd to last day of school. I was bummed, I was barely passing english and I had just handed in my final project 2 weeks late. It was a a massive project of original compositions of your choice. We had to do 4 or 5 of the given choices. I was discussing with my teacher why I wasn;t gong to be able to do English Honours the next year. Anyway, I was home, making body outlines on my bed with sweat thinking about my future and how I thought i didn’t have one because English was the only subject I cared about. I took it for granted. 

I left school pretty late for some reason and my english teacher Mrs.Brkich liked to hang around her classroom reading books and marking papers while walking around in her socks. She caught me walking past her door and called me in and uttered the same thoughts that had kept me awake the last night. 

“You took this class for granted” 

I really didn’t know what to say. Like most of us say these days...”I was pretty fuckin’ choked” 

“This project is amazing” 

The next few minutes I went into some sprite-like euphoria. Y’know when they fall into that imaginary pool that appears on the ground after a sip of sprite? My teacher was back and forth rambling on how she was surprised or something like that and her being upset that i didn’t take the class serious enough. Anyway, I said “Oh, *laughed, thanks”. And if I wasn’t zoned out enough she said to me:

“You could have a future in this” as she held up my project in the air and walked sock-footed into her classroom. 

The summer went by quick and it was already first day into our homerooms and I looked at my class schedule. 

Science 10

Acting 12

English Honours 10

THE REST

OF THIS

SCHEDULE

DOESN’T EVEN

MATTER 10

Hole - E Sh - it. Soon as the bell rung I walked to my locker...23...52...17...stuck my head in it. And cried. While my “homies” didn’t realize what i was doing and talking about Dave Chappelle, stuffing first day info papers on the top shelves. I pulled my head out and it was the first time i felt, accomplished, blessed, the first time i felt, life. I went home that day and wrote and wrote and wrote in my journal about my dreams and goals and ambitions. 

Journal 1/20 : Dreams

Dreams, 6 years later that became 

Journal 15/20 : Foundation. 

I am fifteen. 

- God is Love