i still love h.e.r.

My words don't have the same effect as they used to. Those times where you would tell me why you shouldn't be with me, I had nothing to say. I couldn't say anything. 'Cause I believed you wouldn't have believed me. And it was somewhat true.When I would respond in that fashion, you would always tell me to "just try anyway". I knew how frustrated you were with us and everything else you ahve going on in your life, and you could've easily just cut me off. However, the fact that you were telling me to convince you to stay, even though you had all the reasons not to, made me realize how bad you want this. It made me realize that I need to show you that I want this just as bad. I try, I screw up. I try, I screw up. I try. I try. I try.
The thing I've noticed most about you, is that you give. You give so much of yourself to other poeple. You volunteer and get involved in so many things that from afar it seems so hard. Although, I believe that God has given you the gift of a giver. The ability to give yourself and your time to poeple and things that are in need. And I admire that.
What I'm trying most to do, for you, is to give to you. You give so much, you should be given. I want to give you the best of who I am and give you the best of everything you need from me.
I don't want to argue. I don't want us to go back & forth fighting with eachother. I don't want you to be frustrated. I don't want us to be a frustration. I need to be the one ease and take away your frustrations. I need to be your relaxation. I need your frustrations and all your worries to be lifted when your with me. I need to be your encouragement, I need to to be the to make you smile in the midst of your frowns.
I can't tell you how much I like you. You already know. I can't say how sorry I am for not "getting it". You know it. I don't want to always dwell on the negatives. I don't want us to be down on the fact that you're busy and that we might not have time to spend together. Let's be content with the time that we do get, even if it's a 20 minute drive from your school to your house. Or a couple second drop by to see if you're ok during a power outage. Philippians 12 says "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want". I've learned to be content in these situations, the fact that keeps me that way, is the fact that I'm with you. If I don't hear your voice, or see your face for a month, that won't change the feeling I have for you, nor the fact that we're together. I'll wait those days to when I could just look at you, sit beside you in silence and wait for you to ask me "What are you thinking about?". I figured, if I wanted us this bad, I could wait. What's the rush? How do you rush..forever?

forgetfully reminisient

Today was probably the most frustrating days I've had in a while. I'm a generally happy person, but today had to really thrown off my regular mood. Problem #1. I was rushing for work this morning and I forgot to do my routine check of my 3 most important things. Keys, debit card, cell phone. I forgot my cell phone. That didn't really bother me. I was fine with going back home to get it, probably was gonna go back home anyway. Problem #2. I fell asleep on the train, and I woke up right when it got to granville. In a hurry to get out of my seat, I forgot my ipod sitting on my lap. It fell to the floor and I then realized AFTER i got off the train that it was gone. So i hopped on the next train and thankfully, It was there, laying on the floor. I was then 15 minutes late for work. Problem #3. It was a very busy friday @ Starbucks Sears and they needed poeple to stay longer, so I had to stay in an extra 45 minutes over my shift to help out with the rushes. I was pretty happy getting off work, so i fell asleep on the train again and went home. Approaching my front door, I reached in my pocket to get my house keys and they were not there. I left them at work. So I went all the way back to downtown from new west to get my keys which were there. It really sucked.

But there was a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak....I went to bible study. It was cool. Finally felt the whole youth thing again. Felt good. And I thank God for the oppurtunity. I got to see my girlfriend. cute. haha.

On my way home, I see this girl walking by me in the skytrain, I checked her out. Obviously. She turned around and I looked at her, GLORIA! A friend from highschool. One that I actually talk to. We talked about how we don't see much of alot of poeple anymore, and our random run-ins with poeple in our old crew, and she gets off at New West. I see her turn around and she looks at me and screams JOBAIR! (the guy with the ak-47 on his shirt. in the picture) One of my best homeboys was coming back from his basketball game. DOUGLAS WHAT. It felt just like highschool again, Jobair and his ramadan, Gloria talking really loud when everyone everything else is quiet, Me, standing there laughing. After Jobair is done fasting, and before Gloria leaves for Ghana, we're gonna try and get the old crew together for a dinner n chill out like "back in the day". Those few minutes at and on the skytrain with those 2 made me forget about my day earlier. Seeing those two just made my day.

i still love h.e.r.

I realized today that I've been working at Starbucks for 7 months now. I don't know. doesn't really have to do with anything, I just thought it was cool. I like these blogsites like this one and xanga 'cause you get to just type about anything, and it doesn't have to be anything outspoken or inspiring, and it's not really meant for any specific person or poeple to be read by, it's just, whomever stumbles upon it. Or decides to read it. Unlike facebook, when you put out a "note", it shows up onl atleast 75% of your friends' "FEED" and poeple comment and stuff on it, which is cool, but, to me it's sort of wierd when I do these types of things where I talk about nothing and poeple comment on it. It's as if I were to go to your home and read your journal or diary and write a comment about it at the end of your entry. Sorta wierd I think. I'm not saying you shouldn't comment poeples blogs or whatever, but, I like to pick and choose. Anyway..

Time goes by so fast, I remember in the 8th grade my homeboy Daniel and I were at his place and we were just coolin' out, doing the same thing we do everyday of that summer (go to mcdonalds, swim in his pool, eat nachos) and his mom asked us if we were ever gonna do anything productive. She said "All that sleeping in you guys are doing, is jsut wasting your life. Watch, one day, you're gonna fall asleep, and you're gonna wake up and you'll be 18 going to college". Know what? It happened. Before the end of my last highschool year, that memory played in my mind every morning when I woke up. Cause every morning I woke up that year, I thought to myself "holy crap, I'm 17 and I'm going to college next year". And even though I'm not big on typical teenage couple things, like "month anniversarys", in 3 days, it marks me and my girlfriends 4 months. Although, in this case, I feel like we've been going out for more. haha.

October 18th also marks the date of my birth. I'm not tryin' to say anything about getting me a present, no, I don't care if you I don't get any, 'cause it's not like I'm asking. ha, I'm kidding. I just wanna chill with my parents, hang out with my girlfriend, see some friends and that's all the presents I need.

In conclusion, thanksgiving is this weekend. I think everyone's got a whole bunch of things to be thankful for. At bible study on tuesday, Rob asked a very interesting question. Of course, we're all thaknful for, being alive, our house, our friends, our parents etc. etc. However, what is something that you're thankful for, but it's hard or confusing to why you'd be thankful for it. For example, back in the day in the Nazi's and stuff, Jewish poeple were being kept in concentration camps or living in the "ghetto" of different cities under the control of the Nazi's. In one building, a group of jewish poeple held a bible study a secret bible study every week. It was around thanksgiving, they had read in the bible, "Be thankful for everything". The poeple were confused because, why would they be thankful for things like fleas that were a nuisance in thier building. But they did as the bible said and they thanked God for their bible study and that they're still alive and they thanked God for the fleas. The next morning, the Nazi's were doing a check-up to make sure the jewsih poeple didn't have things that they weren't suppose to have and that they weren't trying to start a rebellion. The building that had the bible study was afraid that if they came they would take away thier bibles. So, they Nazi's came to thier building and they opened the door and they saw the enormous amount of fleas int hier building so they decided not to go in and skip it and go tot he next one...wow, thank God for the fleas..

I'm Graduated...again.

I have to say, I momentarily forgot 'bout the whole September 11th thing. Due to the much advertised releases of Kanye West's - "Graduation" and 50 Cent's - "Curtis". I'm not a big fan of any of 50 cents releases after "Get Rich Or Die Tryin" so I decided to just download "Curtis" knowing it probably won't be worth buying in stores. Kanye's album on the other hand, I was more than willing to spend that $12.99 even though it wasn't in my budget. I didn't get ir right on the release date, but when I heard the good reviews from friends and several blogsites I went to the store and copped it and uploaded it into my ipod. Kanye's arrogant swagger comes across in his lyrics, and I forgive Kanye for that VMA rant he had earlier this month. I don't care. The dude puts out G.O.O.D. music, I don't care 'bout his other shit. This album is probably the best one out of the 3. Well, I'm still pretty biased towards "College Dropout" but if I had to choose. I'd choose "Graduation". His beats are more soulful, great samples. hahah. 2 tracks that I like, are 'Flashing Lights' & 'Big Brother', his ode to Jay-z. If you don't have this, go get it. If you don't, you're probably jsut gonna download it anyway. PEACE!!!